7 Expert Tips to Stop People Pleasing Today
People-pleasing is a behavioral issue where a person mistakes the act as kindness. It makes the person lose their authenticity. You cannot break the people-pleasing trap by hoping people to understand your real emotions. It requires you will have to go down the lane and change yourself. As hard as it can be to identify and eliminate, here are some tells that you might be a people pleaser and how to get out of the habit.
At some point or other, we have all fell down into the trap that is people pleasing. Peer pressure and desire to fit in leads us to saying ‘yes’ to things we don’t want to, but this is not people pleasing. People pleasing isn’t a once-in-a-while dilemma, it’s a daily struggle.
This struggle, if not overturned, can haunt your mental health in numerous ways.
10 Signs You May be a People Pleaser
- Others use you: People often take advantage of your generosity, lack of boundaries, or constant availability.
- Increased risk of burnout: You do what others want without consideration of your own needs leads you getting neglected or a burnout.
- Self-sabotage: As you put other’s goals and priorities before your own, you are likely to self-sabotage.
- Feeling misunderstood/alone: This feeling hovers over your head each day as others never know the real you, just the filtered version of yours you share to be acceptable.
- Suppressing emotions: You are prone to not sharing your genuine feelings with others to avoid conflict or disapproval.
- You don’t receive help: You are there for others but often never accept. You seldom reach out for help because they fear being a burden or feel unworthy of receiving help.
- Living in misalignment with your values: You agree to things you may deep down disagree with and not speak your truth, causing a misalignment with your personal values.
- It can lead to depression: Increased burnout, being used by toxic people, feeling lonely, misunderstood and much more can cause depression.
- It can lead to social anxiety: Since you read others’ minds, looking for warning signs of disapproval, you may feel anxious. Fear of them leaving you if you don’t provide enough ‘value’ or play the role you expect of yourself also puts a pedal to anxiety.
- It can worsen relationships: You may resent others who ask for too much and may withdraw when you’re too exhausted to show the ‘accepted’ version of you (instead of being authentic and achieving a deeper understanding between you and your loved ones).
7 Steps to Overcome the Habit of People Pleasing
- Become self-aware: Learn to set boundaries. It increases self-esteem, and reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Boundaries protect you by setting a simple line between what you are and what you are not.
- Realize that doing too much hurts, rather than helps, relationships: The health of your relationships depends on your willingness to take care of your share and be true to yourself. If you do too much for others, you over function, leading others to under function. Whether it is a friend, family, acquaintance, or a partner, make sure you don’t over-function.
- Understand the importance of being authentic: We are unique individuals, and not every time do we have to agree with others. That’s the charm of authenticity. Connect with you are and what you value, instead of always doing what others want.
- Learn to let go: Uproot any negative core beliefs, let go of all the hateful things people said to you that had you living in fear of others’ disapproval.
- Realize that avoiding problems doesn’t promote growth: Solve a problem instead of avoiding it. If something doesn’t set right with you, confront it, sit down with it, and fix it. When you avoid your problems and try to get rid of them immediately, you only make things worse for ourselves.
- Learn self-acceptance: Self-acceptance is an ever-evolving process, and we can begin on this journey only by ourselves. Accept your flaws, your weaknesses, your strengths. Accept both the negatives and positives, eliminate your toxic traits, and embrace yourself for who you are, not who the world wants you to be.
- Navigate through anxiety: Learn how to challenge any negative thoughts associated with your habits, manage your instinctual urge to please. You will find yourself on a solid ground in your relationships with your family, friends, and yourself.
At the end of the day, these are habits, and habits can be changed. You can live a life on your own terms.